I was never really a fan of going on walks by myself. I had forgotten why specifically until after I was finished. Time to just reflect on my life is kind of daunting. I don't like to reflect. Terrifying things like college and change and mortality always come up. It's scary. Realizing that I'm almost half way through my last year of high school is... wow. It's too intense to process. I don't like it. What starts out as a simple time for reflection always becomes some kind of existential crisis and honestly, this time was no exception. It's already 2017! I'm eighteen years old. That's so old. It's nearly impossible to process that I'm literally actually an adult. I couldn't focus on the beautiful purple-pink sky tonight because of how much I was thinking, which was a shame, because it's hardly ever as nice as it was tonight.

What's worse is that I consider myself someone who's typically open to change. I don't like to cling to old and outdated traditions. Being scared of my future is completely new. I've never truly feared what's coming next in my life until senior year. Even when college happens, the fear of what's coming next won't end. I'll have to get a new, living-wage job. And even after that, society will continue to evolve and change is inevitable. When I'm all old and retired, it still won't end. The fear of what happens after death is practically omnipresent. 

I'm working on getting over it. See, this is why I don't like being alone with my thoughts.